Revisiting

Revisiting Pain is one thing. Revisiting the Cause of the Pain is another. Aggravating the Instigator is sure to cause more Pain. Pain that will need to be revisited some time in the future, after the feeling of the Pain is complete.

Sometimes it becomes necessary to go back to the Source. For the Source usually. always. leaves undone what must be done so that he can extract more pleasure. From serving up more Pain. Severing ties with the Cause, breaking the chains from the Instigator, burning the final bridge from the Source… is never easy. They make it difficult on purpose, with a purpose. To cause more Pain. Moving on is sometimes made impossible. Because they hold the ties that bind, maintain the chains that imprison, own the bridge that keeps open the passageway… to Pain.

Yet sometimes, in order to be able to move on, it is necessary to revisit the Cause, to undo victimhood. To aggravate the Instigator, to reclaim power. To go back to the Source, to fight the final battle and find freedom.

Everything in my life has become, by Grace, about Faith. In Christ. About facing the trouble in this world with the One who has overcome the world. And won. About counting the cost with the One who paid the price. About putting my hands to the plow and not looking back with the One who set His face like flint towards Golgotha and nailed his hands, and feet, to the cross. Revisiting the Cause. Aggravating the Instigator. Going back to the Source. To undo victimhood, reclaim power, and find freedom. For me.

Do I know that He counts the hairs on my head? Know, yes. Believe, not always. It’s been difficult to believe He counts the hairs as He watches them fall from my head from the stress of the Pain. Do I know that He has His eyes on the sparrow, which he counts less than me? Know, yes. Believe, not always. It’s been difficult to believe His eyes are on me more than the sparrow as He has watched me, again and again, choosing flight over fight. Oh that I had wings like a dove…. It wasn’t wings of a dove, but wings of a plane that flew me from the wings of the mourning to the far side of the sea. To run from the Cause, escape from the Instigator. Find freedom from the Source. But all my running and escaping and searching for freedom has brought me back around, full circle.

Revisiting. The Cause. The Instigator. The Source. Of This Pain. And I find myself thinking. If it’s not one thing. It’s another.

And I find myself. Praying. Lord. Have Mercy. Strengthen me with the One who conquers the Instigator. and Wins. Amen.

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