Leaving Space

I have a difficult

Time

Leaving Space

Letting. It. Be.

Still.

Standing

Remaining

An Open Door

of

Space

When Space is too wide and too long and just too big, I am uncomfortable. Leaving Space. Be. So Spacious.  Between meals.  And sunshiny days.  Between jobs.  And paychecks.  Between not enough... and enough.  I just don't like Space. Between failure.  And success.  Between questions.  And answers.  I struggle.  Leaving Space.  I am just not okay with not doing. something.  I am not well when I am not doing.  Anything.  To close.  The door.  Shut.  Be rid of. Space.

I have a hard time

When Space

is wide open

between loved ones

rupturing

and repairing

Space is too Spacious

for me

in the in-between

of separation

and reconciliation

of

Heaven 

and Earth

I don't really like Space

between

The Beginning

and 

The End.

Space.  Baring Pain.  Makes me feel.  My ache of hunger and sadness and emptiness.  That was not to be.  Space.  Baring Pain. Makes me Feel.  The presence of Fear... and Anger.  Making me pang.  With desperation, doubt, despair.  In the midst.  Of all This.  Can't This.  Be over?  Will This Writing. Ever. End?

I want to hurry through Space.  Rush.  Close the gap.  Close the door. On hungering, being sad, being empty.  Eliminating.  All separation.  Between This.  And That.  Just get me to The End.  Of This.

Please take me right now

no Space

inbetween

FromLonelinessToIntimacy

FromFailureToSuccess

FromTheGreatUnknownToTheKnown.  

Because I don't like gapsIDon'tLikeSpace

BecauseSpace IsJamPackedWithPain

Baring Pain.  

That.  

Keeps on living inside me.  Keeps coming outside of me.  Onto this paper.  With so many words. I don't like it. DamnIt. I don't.  That This.  Is not Over.  when things aren't complete.  Finished.  Concluded.  Reconciled.  

My

Anxiety

won't go away

until

This is Over

That

Door is shut! 

And I Know...Everything.

About Everything.

In the in-between.  In the gaps.  

Between

The End.

of That 

And The Beginning of This

Because my mind and my body and my heart and my soul can't be comfortable.  With Space.  Until the gap is closed and the door is shut.  On their work.  So they can rest.  So my mind and my body and my heart and my soul can rest.  Because they won't rest.  Inside me.  Until Space.  Is Gone.  This must be over!  At some point.  With the next period...?

They Demand!  

That I listen.

Listen! 

to this natural tendency

To do

Away

with

Space.  

That.  Is.  Why. I. use. a. lot. of. periods. when. I. write.  I know it's annoying.  It is.  Irritating.  So irritating!  All. these. stupid. periods.  Annoy.  me.  Do they.  Annoy you?  I. Hate. Them. Don't. You?  I skip over them.  Do you?  I do.  Because it's my natural tendency to RushCloseTheGapDoAwayWithSpace, even. between. sentences...

Because.

Space.

Makes.

me.

Uncomfortable.

Does it make you?

Too?

But I don't beat myself up.  Not anymore... That I rush and skip to close shut eliminate Space be gone...  Because I have learned.  Natural Tendency has help.  making me. making us.  Hate Space.  i am ganged up on.  we are ganged up on.  See... Fear.  Lives in the midst.  And Fear makes me makes us feel... anxious and uneasy and even sometimes queasy.  And Anger.  He lives there, too.  Making me feel, do you feel?... annoyed and irritated and a lot of times overheated.  To the point of screaming.  Out the steam.  From the top of the lungs.  That builds up. when Space is too Spacious.  Burning Bones.

When I'm alone. in this fight.

And sometimes even when I'm not

Because this fight is not fair.  It is not. fair.

So. I. just. keep. using. periods.

Will.  Keep.  Using.  Periods.

even when it makes me uncomfortable

Despite myself

to spite

myself

and my natural tendency

and the gang

that gangs up on me

Baring. Pain.

That Keeps living Inside me

I will use lots. of. periods.

To remind myself...

S.L.O.W. Down.  

Stop!

Closing That Door

Stop!

Rushing through This

Space

Read it again

Begin again

Leaving Space

this Time

Leaving. Space.

Pause. to. Breathe.

do you?

Breathe...

I often don't

But then sometimes I forget that I don't

and I do...

find myself

Leaving

shelves and bowls and counters and cabinets

and

Our Hebron Home

Door 

Open

And then I remember...

I AM

i am okay

I am Well...

Leaving Space

For Grace

Because That Is

where Faith...

lives

Baring Beauty

period.

The End!

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