Holding Hope

I need help.  Holding Hope.  Too heavy to hold.  Holding Hope.  Is too much for me.  Looking out this Window of Creation.  So big.  I am Still.  Here.  Sitting.  In this same Place for Pain.  Too deep.  Praying.  So long.  On Knees That Hurt.  In the wee hours of the morning while the world crashing against me lies, fast asleep, does not care.  I need help.  Bearing Pain.  Help.  Baring Pain.  I do.  I need help.  So much help. Holding Hope.  Too heavy too much so big too deep for so long.  Help.  Me.  Through. This Window of Creation so big.  I need help.  Sitting, bearing Pain, in this same Place of Pain too deep.  Help.  Me.  my Knees Hurt I've been praying so long.  This is me.  Baring Pain.  I'm so full of Pain.  Can't you see Pain I bare?  Its sometimes hard, to see, I am so full of Pain there is no room left inside, of me.  No place.  For Holding Hope.  

Pain hides.  In Hearts of Stone.  Layers.  Hearts of Stone.  Pain fills up hearts of stone until there's no where for Hope.  Can someone help me?  I can't keep Holding Hope.

I need containers.  Not just a few.  All the time I borrow vessels, empty vessels, from Friends.  I plead, I am not too proud, but sometimes I am, too proud.  I plead for containers.  To help me, keep me, keep helping me keep on Holding Hope.  Hope leaks from me, a cracked container a broken vessel, a heart of stone. Hope leaks.  From me.  Does it leak from you?  My hope pours out with my sighs.  Drains.  From my wounded Roots.  Of.  Hope.  Spills.  On the floor like water, that cannot be gathered up again.  Who can gather.  It.  Back.  Where it belongs?  Not me.  

I can keep.  Holding Hope.  For a while.  After I'm filled.  With more Hope than I can bear alone.  On Knees that bend under the weight of Hope until they Hurt.  I can hold it for a while in my Heart of Stone, crushed, under the burden of Hope.  Layered in Ash.  That blows.  Away.  Hangs in the Air.  Like vog.  I cannot reach it.  I am too weak,  I cannot make it from Here to There.  I cannot  collect it.  From clouds.  My hands reach, and come back.  Empty.  Sometimes it's easier, sometimes I cannot go on, sometimes it's easier to just let it go.  From my heart and my head and my strength and my soul.  Sometimes I need to walk around without it.  For a while.  Because my Knees Hurt.  Sometimes it's the only way I can keep on going.  But.  Without.  Hope. Where shall I go?

I have Friends.  Who understand. When Hope is too much for me to bear.  Wandering in the Wilderness.  Alone.  Friends.  Who meet me.  Who come all the way out in the Wilderness to meet me.  They are not there, but they come there to meet me.  Where I am.  To offer, lend and give.  Containers.  Empty vessels, I do not need a few.  Friends Know I need help Holding Hope.  Friends.  Know.  Sometimes we all just need a break.  Because we all need.  sometimes.  Some Time.  To let go.  Of Desiring.  Is too tiring.  For my brain and my body, my heart and my soul.  Because we all just need relief.  sometimes.  Some Time.  From Pain.  Who comes along with Desire of something that could be, but is not.  Yet.  We all need amnesia of the heart and the mind and the body and the soul.  From Baring Pain.  In Hope, of things not seen.  Not yet.  Sometimes I cannot keep Holding Hope.  I just can't.  

I sit here.  By a Window of Creation.  Seared.  By Pain.  Seared.  By Beauty.  Seared into this chair.  In this Place for Pain.  Praying.  On Knees That Hurt.  And Behind me.  Alongside me.  Right in front of me.  Sits A Box.  Do you see it?  An empty vessel.  A container, I do not need a few.  This one is Big, it is not little.  Sits on a shelf where there is plenty of Space.  For Grace.  My world has been colored By Grace.  Colored by Friends.  Who know I need help, Holding Hope.  I am so thankful.  For Grace.  For Friends. Who have plenty of Space For Grace.  For Friends because their world has been colored By Grace and Friends, too.  Who need help Holding Hope.  So they have learned to offer, lend and give.   Help me.  Keep Holding Hope.  In this Letter Box.  That holds Letters that could be, but not yet.  Letters not seen.  Not yet.  Some seen.  Letters.  Written by Grace.  Delivered by Friends.  This Letter Box.  Of Hope.  Helps me keep Holding on.  Keep Holding Hope. And when my Hope leaks. 

I open this Box.  And I see.  It is still.  Be Still.  My Soul.  It is still Holding Hope.  I have help.  I have Grace.  I have Friends.  I have this Letter Box.  Holding Letters of Hope.  Helping.  Me.  Keep.  Holding hope.  

So do you.  You do.  My Letter Box.  Offered, lended, given.  By Grace.  Delivered by a Friend.  Lives here, does not belong.  To me.  I hold it loosely.  This Letter Box.  That sits.  Behind me, alongside me, right in front of me, reminding me.  Still.  I have help Holding Hope.  On a shelf with plenty of Space for Grace.  Is a Gift.  Delivered by a Friend.  I share.  Baring Beauty.  Is not me.  This Box.  Is not mine.  Is His.  Is Big.  And always has space.  For Grace.  Is a Gift.  Delivered by a Friend.  For Hope.  Mine.  Yours.  Ours.  And it will fit.  It Always will.  Fit.  Here.  Because He knows.  We all need help.  We need empty containers, we do not need a few so do not ask for a few.  Because it's ok.  Sometimes.  Always.  We All.  Need help.  Holding Hope.  Its supposed to be this way.  We are supposed to need.  One another.  Need.  Containers.  Empty vessels.  To.  Help.  Us.  Share.  Hope.  So pour into it yours and I will pour into it mine.  And then we can just sit. And Be Still.  And Let Go.  Let.  Grace.  Let.  Friends.  Behind us.  Alongside us.  Right in front of us.  Help.  Us.  Keep Holding.  Hope.  Will be safe Here.  Beauty.  In Our midst.  Beauty.  Seared in this chair.  Beauty.  Looking through a Window of Creation.  Beauty.  Coloring the world.  By Grace.  A Gift.  Fits in this Box.  Delivered by a Friend.  Sits on a shelf where there's always Space For Grace.  And it looks and it sounds and it feels and it tastes...  Good.  It is good.  Needing help.  It is.  Good.  He is.  Good.  Holding Hope.  Baring Beauty.  For Us.

This is me.  Baring Beauty.  I'm so full of Beauty.  Can't you see Beauty I bare?  Its sometimes hard, to see, I know.  For the Pain.  But I know.  I bear, I bare Beauty.  Even more, Beauty bears and bares me.  Lets me know.  Because there is room, now, left inside, of me.  A place.  For Holding Hope.  Like this Box of.  Hope.  Behind.  Alongside.  Right in front of us.  Baring Beauty.  Yours and mine.  

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