Last night our electricity went out.  It was dark.  Silent.  In the night.  When the power went out.  It was so silent.  In the night.  That I slept.  Rested.  Very well, so very, very, well.  I haven't slept like that for a long time.  When it was dark and it was night and the power went off.  At first.  I was startled.  We were startled.  Shaken.  By the darkness.  By the suddenness of the silence.  By.  The Night.  Took my breath away.  I don't know how to say this in a flowery way, so I will just come right out and say it in the only way I know how.  It startled me.  Scared me.  Shocked me.  And I gasped.  For air.  

This is me, not hiding.  In the flowers.  I know sometimes it's refreshing when I come right out and say what it is I have to say.  Instead of saying what I want to say in a hidden kind of way.  In flowery writing.  Can be exhausting.  I know.  Writing how I write is exhausting.  So I can't imagine how it must feel.  Reading it.  Must be.  Exhausting. Sometimes.  I'm sorry.  But not sorry enough to stop.  But sometimes I will stop.  And it's okay to stop.  For a while.  And then Begin.  Again.  Hiding.  Thoughts between words.  That requires.  Work.  Reading between the lines.  That reveals.  What can only be found.  Through digging.  In.  The thoughts.  The Words.  The lines.  To find.  Because I believe some things are more meaningful when they have to be found.  Sometimes the harder it is to dig and work to find things, the more valuable it is when we find.  Things.  Revealed.  That were once hidden.  I like hidden things that can be found.  In flowers.  In a rocking chair.  On an island.  In our home.  In the dark.  When we lose power.  But that could just be me.  So thanks for hanging with me. Even though this can be exhausting.  And hey, if you're just starting.  Thank you.  For giving me a shot.  An ear.  Your time.  A chance.  To share.  Something.  I have found.  Hidden.  My writings all work together so it doesn't really matter where you begin.  Just that you do.  It matters to me.  That you don't stop.  But you can stop, too.  And that's okay.  Because sometimes we all need to.  Stop.  Just stop.  For a while.  And maybe while you're stopping, you'll think, hey.  Maybe I'll Begin.  Again.  I'd like that.  If you would.  Begin again.  Anyway, thanks.  For sticking with me.  This far.  But I digress.  You know me, quite often.  I find.  myself.  Wandering off...

So last night our electricity went out.  Not really last night.  But figuratively, last night.  The power went out and it startled me.  I should be used to it by now because it happens a lot where I live.  But I'm never used to it.  Especially at night.  When it's really dark.  Because the moon has wandered off.  To hide.  For a while.  And the stars are covered.  By a blanket of wet clouds.  Hiding.  Them.  Up in the sky.  Making me wonder if they still exist.  If I can't see them.  It's dark here.  Around Our Hebron Home.  And in the last eleven years, here in Our Hebron Home, we have lost electricity so many times that I have more candles (oil and wax) and lanterns (candle and electric) than anyone I know.  Because it's dark around here.  And we lose power.  A lot.  And it's always startling.  When it's dark.  And the power goes out.  And it happening again and again has caused me to find.  Something hidden.  Something that happens.  When it's dark outside and we lose power.  After the startle.  After the Pain.  Of the dark.  Silence.  When we lose power.  It's in that moment.  That.  Life.  Shifts.  

Darkness.  And loss of power.  Startles.  Baring. Silence.  And then.  Life.  Shifts.  Baring Beauty.  Bringing Rest.  The White Noise of the World goes away.  And we are left.  With just.  One another.  In the dark.  With no power.  And we can Do Nothing.  But be.  With one another.  And rest.  In the soft gentle warm glow.  Of a candle.  It's beautiful.

So twelve years ago.  Darkness descended.  And the darkness has been so ugly that even the moon wandered off.  Gave up.  On us.  Even he couldn't stand the sight.  Had to hide his Moon Face from our family.  Stuck.  Under the wet blanket of clouds.  Of shame and blame and dread and woe.  Covering the stars.  Blocking them off.  From us.  Making me wonder.  If they still exist.  IF they ever, really existed.  Before.  Night came.  To stay?  Our life, as we knew it.  Before.  Was over.  Twelve years ago.  And it turned into a long long dark Night.  Darkness.  All around us.  And we have lost all power.  To fix.  Things.  We have tried.  How we've tried.  And stopped.   Trying.  And keep beginning.  Again.  Working in the dark.  For twelve long years I have tried.  We have tried.  To fix.  Things.  But over and over, like in this Hebron Home, where it's dark in the Night, I keep losing power.  We keep losing power.  To fix.  Things.

And it startled me.  And keeps startling me.  Startled us.  Every time.  I should be used to it by now because it happens a lot where we live, here in Our Hebron Home.  But I was not am not will never be used to it.  No one is ever used to Night.  Descending.  On life. As we know it.  On dreams, on finances, on jobs, on marriage, on health, on hopes, on friendships.  No one is ever used to Night Descending On a Life.  And no one is ever okay with losing power.  To fix.  Things.  life as we know it.  Dreams.  Finances.  Jobs.  Marriage.  Health.  Hopes.  Friendships.  With losing power to fix.  a Life.  And no one is ever okay with losing power to make it stay.  we all just want it to stay.  Be.  Keep being.  The way.  we want it.  To be.   No one ever, ever gets used to the darkness of a long Long Night.  And losing power.  It's startling.

In our family.  It's been a long dark night.  For a long time.  And we just do.  Lose power.  All the time.  Keep losing power.  Here in Our Hebron Home.  And I'm not glad.  Because it takes time to recover.  Hidden time.  To recover.  From the startle.  Of the dark and the loss of power and the suddenness of the silence.  But I am learning.  I can sometimes be.  glad.  After. All of these years, too many years.  Twelve years, but who's counting.  I count.  I do.  And only now am I beginning, again.  Some days, some moments, this moment.  I am beginning.  Again.  To be okay that it's been so dark for so long.  I can even, this tiny moment, be thankFULL that we've lost power so many times.  For so long.  Since our Before.  Because there's something.  After.  something different.  That happens.  When it's dark and the power.  Goes out.  In the Silence.  And we are left.  With.  One another.  In the dark.  No power.  And we can Do Nothing.  But be.  With one another.  In the soft gentle warm glow.  Of a candle.  A lamp.  Unto my feet.  That leads us to.  Rest.  Very well.  So very, very, well.  I haven't slept like this in years.  Like I did last this long dark Night.  

There's something.  I have found.  Hidden.  I don't yet grasp it, I can't reach it with the tips of my fingers even when I stand on my toes because this Hill that Lifts, won't lift me.  But I will keep trying to grasp.  It.  I can almost see it, a blurry vision, but I can't,  really see it, for the heavy wet clouds because the moon has wandered off.  But I do think, but probably will never understand... but. I Believe.  I Believe, sometimes you gotta just Believe.  It has something.  To do.  With. Finding Grace.  

I've always wondered.  Why we receive mercy.  And find Grace.  When Grace can't be worked for.  We can. Do Nothing.

You know how, when something hurts, like you hit your ankle on an open dishwasher door, and it hurts so bad all you can do.  is Do Nothing.  But breathe in?  Gasp?  In pain.  How when you're shocked?  Startled?  Gasping?  In.  For air.  That's the moment.  The small tiny moment within the moment that I'm talking about.  Where Life.  Can.  Often will.  Does.  Already had.  Always does.  Shift.  

Move.  In.  Towards.  Me.  Is already.  Found.  With me.  In a Place. For Pain.  Creates a startle.  Makes me.  Gasp.  For Air.  Makes.  Room. For Beauty.  Fills.  With Grace.  The Space.  For Grace.  Life.  Shifts.  Forever changed.  Every time.  

All of us are so afraid.  I'm afraid.  I hate.  You hate.  We all Hate.  Pain.  We all Hate.  Startle.  Shock.  All of us are so afraid.  Of being.  In darkness.  Of living.  In a long dark Night when even the moon can no longer stand the sight.  Of such darkness.  So he wanders off to wherever the moon wanders off, to hide.  We are so overwhelmed.  By heavy wet clouds of blame and shame and dread and woe that make us start to think the stars.  never really existed at all.  If I can't see them, do they exist?  When we lose.  power.  It's scary.  Shocking.  Startling.  But I have learned, I am learning, I have put my Stake In The Ground to keep learning.  God.  Help me.  I need help.  Learning.  I am.  We are. okay.  In the Darkness.  Of a long Long Night.  Losing power.   It is.  In darkness.  Beauty Is.  At Night.  Revealed.  When I lose.  we lose.  power.  To fix.  Any.  Thing.  Any.  one.  And all I am left with all we are left with is to.  Do Nothing.  But.  Be.  With one another.  In the soft gentle glow of a Lamp.  Unto our feet.  Guiding us.  Making me.  Making Us.  Be Still.  I can Be Still.  We can Be Still.  Here.  And.  Rest.  Very, very well.  It is Well.  Here.  Inside.  My soul.

Rest.  Here.  Now.  Grace.  All-sufficient.  I need Do Nothing.  Grace.  With.  Me.  I am Found.  Here.  Receiving Mercy.  Finding Grace.  Found.  Me.  

And I'm so glad.  That sometimes I have to search.  Because I believe some things.  Things like Grace.  Are more meaningful when they are found.  Hidden.  For us.  Inside of us.  When it is Well.  With Us.  To find.  Grace.  Inside.  Sometimes the harder it is to dig and work to find things, like Grace, the more valuable it is when we find.  Things.  Hidden.  For us.  In us.   Like Grace.  I like hidden things that can be found.  In flowers.  In between.  The Word.  In between these lines.  In a rocking chair.  On an island.  In our home.  In the dark.  When we lose power.  I find Grace.  All-sufficient.  All ready.  Found.  Me.  I find myself.  Doing Nothing.  In the soft gentle glow of a Lamp unto my feet.  And I see.  Hear.  Feel.  Know.  That I've been standing.  We've been standing.  I am standing.  In Grace.  All-sufficient.  All along.  And I understand.  It is Well.  Grace is welled.  Inside of me.

But that could just be me.  

This is. me.  Not hiding.  Grace.  I find.  Found me.  So meaningful.  So valuable.  I have to share.  Grace.  The only way I know how.  I hope you have found.  Grace.  All ready.  Found you.

So yeah.  Our electricity went out last night and I slept great.  And yeah.  The power has gone out in this long dark Night.  And its dark here, in Our Hebron Home.  And I sleep.  Rest.  Great.  When I'm left to.  Do Nothing.  But be.  With my family.  Here.  In Our Hebron Home.  I see.  Hear.  Feel.  Know.  By the soft gentle glow of this Lamp unto my feet.  I find myself.  I am Found.  Standing.  In Grace.  Grace With me.  I find...  Grace.  Baring Beauty.  Revealed.  In Our Hebron Home.

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