Hearts of Stone

March 6, 2017 jeanne w.

Pain hides. In Hearts of Stone. Hidden. So well that it's hard to see, for the Beauty. Pain hides. Layered in ash. Sits in Sand. Hidden. In the Land of the Living.

Beauty hides. In Hearts of Stone. Hidden. Inside. So well. It's hard to see, for the Pain. Beauty hides. Layered in ash. Sits in Sand. Hidden. In the Land of the Living.

I have walked through Sand We Share, searching. For Hearts of Stone. Find me. Along the shores, on the far side of the sea. As I walk, searchings beaches. Big. Secret. Baby. Black and Red. Hidden. Beaches. Like manna falls from the sky with dew. Hearts of Stone wash up with wave upon wave. Grace upon grace. Appear. In my midst. Laid at my feet. I gather. Collect. Hold on. They live here. With me. Don't belong. To me. So I hold them, loosely. In my hand and my heart. In my mind and my soul. I hold. Hearts of Stone. In the Land of the Living.

Rough and smooth, they fit in my hand. Sit in sand. By the door. Baring Pain and Beauty, hidden, in layers of Ash. Rough and smooth, when rubbed. Pain and Beauty. Revealed and sensed in my palms creased with Pain. In my hands weathered with Beauty. In my heart and mind and soul. Marred. By Evil. Scarred. By Love. Porous absorbers. Of pain and beauty, deflected. By Man. Hurt. White reflectors. Of Beauty and Pain, reflected. By God. Heals. Layers of Ash, hardened by Pain, bracing against the World Crashing Against. It does not care. Man hurting, God healing. Hearts of Stone hardened by beauty, put on like a shell, to mask what lies, hidden inside, to protect it from what lies. Outside. Hearts of Stone softened by Pain, weakened by the World Crashing Against it. Does not care. Man. Healing. God. Restoring. Hearts of Stone. Softened by Beauty, put on, like a robe like a shell, covering. Protecting. Here. In the Land of the Living.

I didn't walk I don't walk I am not walking the beaches looking for Hearts of Stone; rather I was I am I will keep looking. To know. That I was I am I will be. Loved. Looking. To be known. That I am Known. That I will Always be Known. By Love. Because I have been scarred. Marred. My faith. In man. In God. Has been keeps being is being touched by Pain will always be touched by Pain. And Evil. Here in the Land of The Living. And it hurts. shatters. breaks. crushes. shapes. My heart. Of stone. Leaving ash. That blows. Hangs. In the Air. Pain's touch hurts my heart, burns my mind, bruises my body, violates... my soul. Being touched. Again and again, relentlessly, forcefully. By Pain. And Evil. Eventually. Made me makes me keeps making me believe, somewhere down deep in my heart and my mind and my body and my soul. Causing me to have faith. That I was I am, am I? Unworthy. Of Love. More. Causing me to have faith that I was I am scarred. Am I? Scarred? Marred? Not known, forgotten, neglected, abandoned ignored? Left? Alone. By Love. My faith. What I began and believed and sometimes always still do way down deep in my heart and my mind and my body and soul... says I am, am I defective? Unworthy? Of Love. Says I'm only worthy. Of being touched. Am I only worthy of being touched by Pain? My faith says I was not I am not I will never be worthy? Ashes. Blown in the wind. Hang in the air. I can't gather them. Back. They are scattered. At the head of every street. Ashes. Not worthy. Of being Known. Dirty Ashes. Under the bridge by the muddy river waters, by the lone tree who felt and did nothing, under the canopy of leaves that saw and said nothing. Because I was I am not I will never be worthy? Of Love.

Hearts of Stone, crushed. Leaving ashes. Hang in the Air like vog. Lie on the beach. Crushed. Under the feet... of Pain, and Beauty. Crushed. Under the bridge under the burden... of sin, and shame. Crushed. Under the heavens under the weight of grace, and glory. Mangled. With Pain, and Beauty. Here. In the Land of The Living. Hearts of Stone. Shaped. Ashes. Hang in the Air. With Whispers. Of The Lone Tree, where Beauty and Pain were mangled, for me. Hearts of Stone. Lie down on beaches. At The Feet, scarred and marred... Baring Pain. Baring Beauty, for you. Shaped. By The Waters. Washing. Keep washing. Us. Along the Shores. Wave upon wave, washing us. Grace upon grace, washing up. Hearts of Stone. Here. In the Land of the Living.

Like manna. Falling from Heaven. In the dew. Hearts of Stone. Washed up washing up keep washing up along the shores in Sand We Share. Made me make me keep making me doubt my faith. In man. In God. I began I begin I keep seeing and feeling and hearing Whispers. I was worthy. I am worthy. I will always be worthy. Of being known. By Love. On beaches, under a palm tree that felt and feels and keeps feeling and did do and does and keeps doing something, under a canopy of foliage that saw and sees and keeps seeing and said and says and keeps saying something. Through Windows of Creation. Because I was. I am. I will Always Be. Worthy. Of Love. He will keep gathering me. Collecting me. Holding on to me. Living With Me. Because I belong. To Him. He holds me tightly. In His Hand and Heart and Mind and Body. He holds me. His Heart of Stone. In the Land of the Living.

Touch. Powerful. Pain. Powerful. Beauty. From Hearts of Stone. Restoring. Faith. Was and is and will always be a gift. A Being Made New Gift. From God. Replacing the old. Curse. My own faith. Is not worthy. Being Made New Faith. Living Faith. Says I'm Worthy. Of Love. I'm Worthy. Because I am Known. By Love. And there's Something. Something In The Air. Something in Sand We Share. Something. Good. In me. In you. In Us. Something Worthy. Of being touched. Of being held. By Beauty. I. You. We. Sit in His Sand, We Share. Fit in His Hand. He holds. Me. You. Us. In Sand We Share. By The Door. Baring Beauty. In Hearts of Stone.

Yes, I am known, have been touched, am held. By Beauty. Knows me well. Knows how simple and forgetful and hard and soft and creased and weathered and marred and scarred is my heart and my mind and my body and my soul. Knows. I need Something. In the Air. In Sand. In Stone. Something I can see with my eyes. Look upon. Something I can hold in my hands. Touch. Powerful. Hearts of Stone. Beauty. Made manifest. For me. I have seen it and proclaim it. I sit. We sit. In His Sand. We share. We can see it. In Hearts of Stone. Here. Baring Pain. Baring Beauty. A Message. Good News. Whispered in the Air, Washing up, in wave upon wave grace upon grace, on this great Shore of Life.

I have been touched. By Pain. I have. You have. We have. And it hurts. Our Hearts of Stone. Wounds. Blows. Us. Ashes. Hang in the Air. But, There's Something in the Air. Whispers. From The Beginning. I can hear them. Good News Whispers. When I listen. Alone. Intently listen. To the Words of His Mouth. Can't you hear them? Whispering in hearts and minds and bodies and souls. Whispers. In the Air. Hearts of Stone. Sit in Sand. Fit in my hand. I am touched. By Beauty. I am. You are. We are. Touched by Beauty. And it looks and it feels and it tastes... Good. Binds Minds. Gathers Ash. Hangs With Us. Holds Us. Shapes Us. Forms Us. All of Us. Hearts of Stone. Known. Seen. Held. Baring Beauty. Here. In Our Hebron Home. In the Wings of the Dawn. And There. Look.... see? Way out there on the Far Side of the Sea. Maui. Sometimes I can almost see it. See Heaven. Even there. Hearts. Like my dad's. Hearts made all New. No more Pain. Only Beauty. Being touched. Being held. In The Hand. Of God.

Yes, Hearts of Stone hide Pain. Hide Beauty. Sit in sand. By the door. Here. In Our Hebron Home, Baring Pain. Baring Beauty. Sometimes hard to see. Here. In the Land of the Living.